you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
