My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
