Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
