forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I supernannyed him into submission
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
