if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
