I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do herpes really smell.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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