he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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