When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
