He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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