either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
