If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
