I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
