who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
