i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
