fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
