What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize