you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
