i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
