I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
