Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize