That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
