if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
