Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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