the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
