But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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