Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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