end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
