it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize