Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
