she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
