So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
