Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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