Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
