i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
