oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize