No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
