we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize