Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
