oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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