i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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