Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
