nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
