u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
