I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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