do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
