She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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