just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
