I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forget how to act sober
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
