On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
