You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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