Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
