when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
