I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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