At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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