why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
