??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize