You really coming over, don't trick.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
