Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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