The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
