listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize