So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
