I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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