How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
