I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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