No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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