I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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