Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
