I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize