Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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