At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
