She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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