smell my finger.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
