How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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